i don't know where my life is going, and it scares the shit out of me. i have no direction, and i don't care about anything anymore, except for friends.
i don't do my homework, i skip class, and i've lost so many values. i'm taking risks and doing stupid things that aren't like me. at this rate i wont even graduate from high school.
when i'm with my friends i feel great, but the rest of the time i'm alone with myself, and i'm forced to think about life. when that happens, all i can do is panic.
right now i'm having a major sexual identity crisis. i don't know what the hell i am. the only thing i'm sure of is that no one's remotely interested in me. the person i'm in love with i could never tell, not in a hundred years. unless they loved me back. i'm already irrationally afraid of rejection, but this one person means more to me than anyone else has ever. i'm so, so, unbelievably lost, and right now, i want nothing more than to be loved by someone.
i've been happy this entire term so far, but i so badly need that to last. i'm terrified of spiralling down again, then finding out i can't rely on my support network. it's the absolute worst feeling i've ever experienced.
hopefully this is just a mood swing, and not the start of something bigger.
i'm being completely retarded right now; i probably shouldn't even post this, but i guess it's too late.
bottom line: i really need to get a social life. also: i need to stop running through life blindly